his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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