you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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