ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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