i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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