I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
