i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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