I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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