his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
