My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
