I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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