what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
