In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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