Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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