I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No subtext here. People are naked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
