Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
