Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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