Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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