I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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