So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
