There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
