3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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