So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
