He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize