____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
