HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize