she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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