I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
