pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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