Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
