Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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