From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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