Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
