as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
