she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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