Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
