my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize