before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
