non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize