he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
