so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
