So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
