i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
