margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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