i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
