She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
