i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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