people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
