If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You pole danced in your parka.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
