If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
