Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize