you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
