things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
