I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
