I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
