Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
