I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
