a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
