i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
