just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
