make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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