i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
