he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
