R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
