yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you made out with another girl for some wings
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
