i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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