I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
