So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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