he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
