Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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