those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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