So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
