yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
