so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
