Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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