tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
