Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
