Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
