His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
