we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
