Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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