I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
