we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
