when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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